Broken Innocence

Chapter one- The Beginning.


“So…when did you start...resenting your existence?” The councilor twirled a lock of golden hair in her fingers, watching Latoya with eagle eyes; writing down random things Latoya said or did.

Latoya rolled her eyes and sighed “uh…when I was born” she said sarcastically smirking a bit and tilting her head to the right.

“Latoya, dear, you’ll have to cooperate or we wont get anywhere. I want to help”

Latoya sighed. “Mmmhmm- just like everyone else...”

“Latoya, I can’t help if you won’t let me,” She said sternly,

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…help…. bullshit.”

I guess it started three years ago, at my 14th birthday party. Except it wasn’t really a party, since it was only my mother and me, until my dad showed up at the last minute for coffee and a piece of cake. But for me- that was a good party. Don’t take that as an invitation for a pity party. It was just how my life was. As soon as I blew out the candles on my cake, everything changed; my wish was that everything would finally get better. But as with how my life goes, everything would go completely wrong…


“MAKE IT BE QUIET!” A very annoyed Katherine Terrance called from upstairs, the Terrance house was filled with smells and sounds, the smell of beer and smoke, the sound of screaming kids, loud music, and TV, oh- the ever popular TV. “I SAID SHUT IT UP!”

“Latoya, its your turn to baby-sit” muttered Alan switching the channels on the small cable television “I did it last week I think…”

Latoya made a noise in the back of her throat, throwing her head back in frustration, “I always baby-sit! You never baby-sit! For once in your life just watch her for me!”

“But you’re the one that’s good with kids..” protested Alan, without much concern.  The baby kept screaming upstairs and Latoya sighed, glaring at Alan as she hurried upstairs into her little sister’s room. “Hey hun...” she cooed gently walking over and picking up the toddler.

“How you doin’ Anika?”

Anika sniffed, her eyes red and puffy from tears “Tirsty..” she said looking longingly at the sippy cup that had been thrown to the floor in her fit of anger. “Tirsty!”  she said again, louder, hoping to be heard.

Latoya walked over and picked up the cup “I get it Anika, ‘tirsty’, we have to get down to the kitchen first”

“Tirsty” the 12 month old said again, holding onto Latoya as not to fall on the way down the stairs into the kitchen. Latoya searched the fridge and found the juice, filling the sippy cup and handing it to Anika, then setting her down.

“Go...run…reek havoc” she muttered, they let the toddler do as she pleased; it wasn’t as if they had anything nice she could ruin. The floors were matted and stain, clothing and drug paraphernalia strewn across the floor. Large gaping holes in the wall that would never be filled, the wallpaper was peeling and Latoya couldn’t remember the last time anyone had cared to do anything to fix any of it. To top it all off, her mother and two elder siblings smoked, which added a smog and a harsh smell that no amount of air freshener would be rid of anytime soon.

A young woman stepped down the last two stairs and purposely clicked the heels of her stiletto heels, to get the attention of the others in the room. The girl had long flowing blonde hair, unlike Latoya’s black hair which hung just past her shoulders. She twirled, the short skirt flew around her nearly exposing her laced underwear, the tightly fitted shirt clinging to her form.

“ So?” Melanie asked smiling and twirling again, looking for approval, “what do you think?”

“You look great...” muttered Latoya “you’ll really attracted the guys with that one. Now you look like a real whore.” There was never anything to prove or disprove the belief that Latoya’s older sister was indeed a prostitute but she always seemed to in the arms of a new guy, always appeared with money they knew she hadn’t earned. Speculation suggested that she was, indeed, a whore but the cops hadn’t come to the house for her yet.

Though, the cops had still come to the house, many times but for other reasons. Like her brother, Alan, for Drug possession, her sister Mary-Ellan, who was now in Jail somewhere, for stealing, drugs, and robbery. Latoya was the only one who tired to keep the house as on track as possible. If it was at all possible. Latoya hated living with her family and had once thought of turning her mother in to children’s aid, but she had no other options. Her father refused to do have anything to do with here, and she feared foster care for the stories she’d heard from her friends at school.

“So Latoya, since you’ve been so awesome and gave me the money to buy my new clothes, I was thinking, how about I treat you and we go out tonight- what do you think?” Melanie smiled hopefully at her sister, and Latoya raised an eyebrow, the only place Mel went that Latoya could get into, was an old rundown rave bar that let almost anyone in.

“I don’t know...I should watch Anika..”

“Alan’ll watch Anika. Come on! It’ll be fun!”

She found herself changing into a skirt and tank top within three minutes persuasion from Melanie. Flattening out her plaid skirt and fixing the tank top bearing the word “DANGEROUS” on the front she sighed to herself. She pulled on boots that she had received from Melanie as a birthday present- hooker books, and ironically enough, hand me downs.  She brushed her black hair straight as she could, and took a last look at herself in the mirror, making a face of disgust she decided that there was no use lingering any longer. Let’s get this over with.

“This is going to be so much fun! Just you and me” Mel said grinning, opening the taxi door which nearly hit Latoya in the face. Rolling her eyes she stepped in after her sister, oh yeah, great fun. A night with the Queen Ditzy. .

The taxi ride was short but it seemed endless long.  Melanie was leaned over the front seat, playing with the taxi drivers hair and flirting with him like she was born doing it. Latoya sighed, Mel was always flirting. As soon as it stopped she got out of the small car and waited for Melanie. She turned towards the club and stared up at the flashing lights and paint peeling on the side of it. She faintly heard the driver say ‘no charge’ and soon after Melanie walked up behind Latoya, grabbing her shoulder hard and pulling her towards the door. “Come on!”

”How on earth did a 14 year old get into a club?”
”Have you not been listening? I don’t really live on the greatest side of the tracks, besides I’d been there before and Melanie had lied. And I’ve explained Melanie’s persuasive nature with men. Besides there was, like, no security.”
Placing her notepad on her lap, the blonde woman sighed deeply, “Where is this bar? I’m reporting it.”
”It’s been shut down, blondie, don’t let your thong ride that far up your ass.”

She pulled Latoya through the crowd gathered at the door, and looked back at her sister smiling happily. The music pulsated through the room, “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake playing softly in the background. She looked around awkwardly, noticing Mel had gone off with a guy, she decided to go off on her own. Certain groups divided up the room – there were the dancers, the sluts who lingered in the corners of the room. Latoya laughed gently, at the association of hookers and corners, there were the smokers who gather around the edges of the dance floor and there were the drinkers, sitting at the small round tables which were placed randomly around.

She found herself sitting on a loveseat, facing the dance floor, having gotten a soda from the bar. Sipping at it gently she nodded her head to the music, it wasn’t really her type of music but it wasn’t bad. “Buttons” by some girl band was on now; she glanced at the wall in search of a clock. No such luck.

“Hey” A deep voice came from behind her and she spun around, bewildered. “H-hi…” she stuttered staring up at a tall young man with deep blue eyes an amazing body.

“Whats your name?” he asked sitting down next to her, his shirt falling on his flawless stomach.

“L-Latoya…y-yours?”

“Brad.” He said, extending his hand casually, she shook his hand and forced herself to stop twitching. Brad looked to be almost 20. “What brings you here Latoya?” Brad asked, watching her, a small smile forming on his lips.

“ I came here with my sister, it was my birthday so…this was my gift.” She muttered, smiling at how stupid she must have sounded.

Brad nodded, “Oh, cool...how old did you turn?”

Latoya looked down sheepishly “14” she said quietly shuffling her feet against the floor, god she felt tiny next to him. Something inside her head was screaming that this just didn’t feel right. Something was telling her that this was wrong, but she stayed put.

“Really? Wow. Big girl.” Brad smiled a bit more, putting his arm around her shoulders.

She looked at him oddly, moving to the end of the loveseat so his arm wasn’t touching hers, “what are you doing…?”

“Putting my arm around you, I’m sorry do you not like that…?”

“Well yeah I do – I mean no, no I don’t – I mean…aren’t you like…18?”

“Around there…”

“…maybe we shouldn’t be talking..” She said nervously preparing herself to stand up, glancing around for anything she might have brought. Did she bring anything?

“It’s okay- we’re not gonna do anything, don’t worry Latoya. Besides, its only a few years difference anyways…” He placed his hand on her shoulder, keeping her sitting and she calmed a little. He was strong, that made her uncomfortable.

A few years? Try around SIX years, that’s a big difference! She felt an odd sort of trust for him though, he seemed trustworthy enough. He looked respectable, she smelt alcohol on his breath but it was a club after all…so against her better judgment Latoya leaned back into him awkwardly and listened to the music, biting her lip and looking for Melanie. When she did see her, she felt a little less concerned – she was close. Waving she waited for her sister to wave back and she did. Not seeming at all concerned to see her sister with an older man.

“Is that your sister?” Brad asked, raising an eyebrow when the two waved at each other.

Latoya nodded, “Mhmm, her names Melanie, but everyone just calls her Mel, its just easier” Brad nodded, but seemed not interested, he ran his fingers through her hair gently and Latoya shifted a bit, feeling uneasy. “You have beautiful hair Latoya…” Brad commented, smiling at her. She just nodded a bit “I’ve been told…I don’t agree I think my hair would look a lot nicer if it was a different colour..or longer…or shorter…or…”
He cut off her rambling, “I think its beautiful the way it is”

She smiled a bit, red flushed her cheeks with embarrassment. She wasn’t used to flattery. He noticed that she was blushing and he laughed, “what- hasn’t anyone told you that before?”

She shook her head, “My family never comments on looks- they just care if the laundry’s done or not...”

“What about boyfriends?”

“I’ve never had one…”

Brad raised an eyebrow at her, seeming interested. “Never had one?” He asked.

She shook her head, “Never had one”

He stood up, pulling her up with him and spun her around pulling her towards him holding her by her hips and swaying slightly to the music, she moved with him without thinking at all then stopped, when the realization kicked into her system, “what are you doing?”
“Dancing.” He stated, “And if I recall- you were doing it to”

Hesitating she began to dance again and smiled, this wasn’t so bad. She had never been this close to a guy before. Brad pulled her back as close to him as he could, and she did nothing to stop him, his lips making contact with the base of her neck. She spun around breaking the contact looking at him and saying sternly, “No. I’m not getting into that. No.”  

“Come on...we wont to do anything worse than kiss…don’t you want to know what its like? Your sister seems to be having fun with it…don’t you want to have some fun too?”

“No.”

He reached to grab her, and she felt her stomach tie itself in a knot and she bolted. Running through the crowds of people she burst into the ladies washrooms, looking into the shattered glass at her reflection. She put water on her forehead, feeling more awkward than ever. She was going to forget that it ever happened. She crossed her arms, leaning on the wall and sliding into a sitting position. She rubbed her neck, she couldn’t get rid of the feeling of Brads lips on her, his breath on her. It was like he stained her neck, she could feel his lips imprinted there. She couldn’t get rid of it, no mattered how much she rubbed it, she stood putting water over her face again, to try and wash the feeling away. She couldn’t. Every time her eyes wandered to her neck, she could feel his breath, see his face over her shoulder and hear his voice ‘we wont do anything…’

She didn’t know how much time she had spent in that washroom, but she came out with the intention of avoiding that creep and getting the hell home. She was heading for the other side of the dance floor when two arms slipped around her waist, “I want you Latoya…let me have you...just once…and I’ll never bother you ever again”

Latoya looked at him bewildered and backed away “no…your sick.. this is wrong”
Brad smiled charmingly and shook his head “Its not wrong…its never been wrong...sex is never wrong”

Latoya’s eyes widened “Sex…?!”

Brad nodded a smirk covering the smile Latoya swallowed hard, takeing a step backward and glancing hopelessly for her sister, but she couldn’t see her anywhere. Brad grabbed her arm, hard,  “You had your little girly time in the bathroom. You made me wait. I want you now, and I will have you now.”

She tried to pull away but his grip was to tight she whimpered as he backed her against a wall and pinned her there. “Let me go…please…” she whimpered hopelessly, as people walked by, not taking any notice at all.

“Now why would I do that” his voice no more than a husky whisper, he lowered his lips to hers but she turned away, refusing to kiss him – she just wanted out of this nightmare. She wanted to be home “Kiss me damn it!” he ordered, tightening his grip on her arms, shaking her so her back smacked against the wall causing her more pain.

“No” tears flooded her vision, “please…please…” She opened her eyes to see Melanie not to far from where she stood, she pushed against Brad’s arms trying to break from his grip. “MEL!” She screamed, before Brad slapped her and forcefully ordered she shut up.

Melanie raised an eyebrow, lifting her head from the lips of her boyfriend and gasped. “Oh my god….oh my god, Latoya!” Jumping off the guy underneath her, she dashed to help her younger sister. Brad had his back turned and was concentrated on holding Latoya’s arms up so he had full access to her, full control. Melanie took advantage of his and kneed him, luckily hitting him where it hurt.

“GET OFF MY SISTER, YOU SICK FREAK!” Mel yelled, kneeling beside Latoya and looked at her with fierce concern “Are you okay, hun? Did he hurt you?”

Latoya shook her head, tears flowing down her face, chocking on her words as they tried to leave her throat. “I - I wanna go home, Mel...take me home…”

Melanie nodded standing and helping Latoya to stand, Brad was doubled over in pain holding his groin and swearing and rambling about something obscene. Latoya didn’t even glance backwards as Melanie rushed outside, Melanie flagging down a taxi and getting them a ride home.

Latoya couldn’t get rid of the feeling of Brad’s lips on her neck, which made her ride home nearly unbearable as it was but Melanie was trying to get her to recount what had happened. Did he touch you, L? Did he hurt you? No, Mel. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine, really, just take me home.  Melanie didn’t talk to the driver this time around, she paid him and they walked towards the house. Lights were on – people were still awake. What time was it?

Melanie stopped before they reached the door and held her hand on the handle and sighed deeply. Latoya looked up at her and furrowed her brows, “what is it?”

”Maybe you shouldn’t tell anyone about this…” her sister responded quietly, lowering her head slightly in shame, “I think it’d be better that way.”

Latoya’s jaw could have touched the cement sidewalk below her feet, “are you kidding me?” she asked, completely amazed, “I … Mel, that creep just tried to RAPE me! How can you just…how could you even think of that?!”

”Maybe she was concerned for herself, and how she may have been punished for letting that happen to you?” Offered the woman, who had her head tilted to one side in that quirky way that dogs do when they hear something they don’t understand.
”Does that help you lose all thought quicker or something?”
The blonde sat up straight and took a slow inhaling breath as to keep herself calm, “Did you ever think of that?”
”I don’t know if you’ve been listening but they couldn’t have given a shit whether I was dead or alive, as long as their bills were getting paid and they were taken care of. Mel didn’t want anyone to know what SHE was doing at that bar. She didn’t give a GOD-DAMN about me.”

”Please, L? I don’t think I could handle…just, please. We’ll forget it happened, we’ll pretend it never happened. Okay?” She was pleading, had Latoya not agreed she was sure her sister would have been down on her knees begging. That was, after all, how Melanie got through in life. Beg, plead, flirt.

Pushing the door open noiselessly Latoya walked into the living room where her brother had not inched from where they left him, she glanced around for her youngest sibling and was slightly concerned when she couldn’t see her.

”Where’s Anika?”

”Upstairs, sleeping. Better question – where have you been little miss goody two shoes?”

He saw Melanie saunter in slowly and cross her arms over her chest to cover herself from the cold. It was cold, now that Latoya took time to think about it.

Latoya and Melanie exchanged glances and before Latoya had time to speak, Melanie stepped in, “We were just…. Having so much fun that we decided to stay a little later.”

The knot returned to her stomach, that was not her idea of fun. It never would be. She found her eyes wander over to the clock that sat on the mantel. It flashed 1:34 am, had she been in that dreadful place for that long? Was it really morning already?

”As long as your fine. I thought you’d got raped or something.” He laughed at himself, flipping the television channels. How the man never gained any weight was a mystery. “Can you imagine? That would suck.”

Latoya turned and ran upstairs, holding her stomach and ran into the bathroom. Melanie slapped the side of Alan’s head and he used his arms to cover his face from the blow. He raised both his eyebrows at her, “What? What did I do?!”

”Fucking Idiot.” She spat and went towards her room, shaking her head.

Alan sat dumbfounded for a second before he shook his head and returned to the TV. “Fucking PMS.”


*


It all seemed unreal to her, all of it. Even as she pulled her hair out of her face to vomit the soft drink she’d had at the bar with any of her insides that came out with it. She felt herself gag again and hurled herself over the toilet seat.
And again.
And again.
When she finally felt like she was finished she spat into the sink, brushed her teeth and pulled her hair out of her face, tying it behind her head. She glanced in the mirror and cringed. Her eyes were puffed and red, a large red mark lined the right side of her face – the remains of Brad’s backhand.
We won’t do anything… it’s only sex … SHUT UP!  Why wouldn’t his voice leave her head? Running her hand through her hair gently she felt the sickness return and felt the bile rise up in her throat but she held it down. She’d puked more than any normal person should.
Walking slowly into her room, she slid off her shirt and skirt and replaced them with a pair of baggy pants and a band tee. She held her stomach and fell onto her cold, hard mattress and using her last ounce of energy for the evening hit the play button on her CD player. System of a Down rang through the speakers, the lyrics soothing her and felt herself drift into sleep.

”Let me go, please…”
”Now why would I do that?”
”Please…please…”

She heard a scream, like it came from another room, and bolted upright in bed. It took Latoya a minute to realize that it was herself who had done the screaming. She was drenched in sweat, and all her blankets had been kicked square off her bed. She glanced at the CD player, it had stopped and done it’s automatic shut off – which meant she had been asleep long enough for the CD to play at least three times.

Kicking her feet over the end of the bed she stood up and grabbed her watched, turning it over. It was 6:00pm. Wow, she had slept through an entire day. And yet it was silent.

Crash.
”LITTLE BITCH”

Then again, she could be wrong.  She dropped her watch and shuffled down the stairs to find her mother yelling obscenities at Anika. The toddler was crying hopelessly and hadn’t known what she’d done wrong, a cookie jar lay shattered on the concrete floor of the kitchen and it was apparent that the jar had been filled with anything but cookies.

”Oh my god…” Latoya murmured, bending down to pick up a used needle, heroin still in its cylinder, beside it lay other paraphernalia as well as bags of the drug itself.. “Oh my god…you – mom, you still do this?”

Katherine, her mother, stood over top of the toddler who was still crying and Latoya who was just staring at her. “What?” She glared slightly at her teenaged daughter, bags lined under her eyes. Her hair was thin and graying from drug use and stress. She was not a pretty picture, “Stupid kid broke my fucking jar, now where am I gonna put them? Huh?”  

Latoya was speechless, she threw the needle, which hit the door and smashed. Katherine glared at her in anger, “what the HELL did you do that for?!”

”What did I do that for? Where are you going to put them? Do you realize what you’re doing to yourself? Do you realize what you’re doing to me? To her?” She pointed at Anika who had stopped crying but was sniffling and crawling towards Melanie who was just walking down the stairs.

”You know what, you little slut you can just shut up! Melanie told me what happened last night, maybe that guy should have fucked you, then you wouldn’t be such a hard ass. Now get out of my sight, I need to put these somewhere.”

Latoya stood in amazement as her mother cleaned up all her drugs, and Melanie cared for Anika. What is wrong with my family? “I said get out of my sight.” Katherine repeated sternly, and Latoya just shook her head in utter amazement and made her way upstairs.  

She had no idea what to do with herself; she didn’t know what to do about what was going on. She couldn’t live like this, couldn’t like Anika live like this. But what could she do? Phone her dad.

She hesitated, picking up the phone and inhaling deeply before dialing the number.  5 5 5 6 9 0 2.

”Kingston residence, how can I help you?”

”Uh, It’s Latoya…Can I talk to my dad?”

”Oh…” the female voice said, pausing obviously hesitant, Latoya was suddenly aware of the background music, some crap love music, probably some crap Jazz music or something. “Carl?” she heard the voice call, “some kid on the phone for you”. Her voice became apparently louder, “What did you say your name was?”

”Latoya,” she answered shyly, “I’m his daughter…”

”Right...” she responded, in a sarcastic tone, saying something muffled before handing her father the phone. Latoya braced herself for the conversation, physically crossing her fingers for good luck. She shifted her position on the bed so she was sitting upright.

”Hello?” His voice was distant, he had probably had one to many glasses of champagne.

”Hi Dad, It’s me…”

”It’s who?”

”Latoya…”

”Oh right, what do you want?” He asked blankly, seeming unconcerned, “it’s not the best time…”

”Dad, I need out of here…”

”Where? You in jail or something?”

”God, No! Why would you even – ugh, I mean… I just want away from mum…she’s not the best caretaker, and I’m sure you’d do a better job – “

”Latoya…” He said, sounding exasperated. That tone that parents use when you’ve asked for the same thing a million times, and they’ve already told you the answer but it’s just not good enough.

“Uh-uh. Don’t you ‘Latoya’ me! I’m your daughter! Your supposed to love me but you left me with her! How could you do that to me?”

”You have to understand, that wasn’t my choice…I’m not the most fitting parent either…”

”Your better than her!”

”…Sweet heart…”

” If you love me, you’ll take me in.”

“ I can’t.”

“Give me a good reason why not?”

”You wouldn’t understand…”

“I can try. I’m coming over tomorrow whether you like it or not. It’s gonna happen. And while I’m there, you can tell me a legitimate reason why you can’t be my legal guardian!”

”Lat-“

”End of story!” She slammed the phone down on it’s receiver. Taking a deep breath, she buried her face in her hands. So it hadn’t gone according to plan, but she could deal with that. She could make it work.  She’d find someway to make it work. Latoya rolled over onto her back, staring at the sky – well, the ceiling, above her. She didn’t know what time it was now, she didn’t care. She couldn’t sleep, It seemed like her whole life was falling apart. Why wouldn’t her dad let her stay there? He didn’t work, he didn’t have a steady girlfriend, and hell he was almost as bad as her mother. Only he could spend some days sober, her mother could barely stand an hour of sobriety. She felt warm tears fall down her face and she stopped thinking about him, she hadn’t realized she had started to cry.

What bothered her most was that there was no reason she should have to go through what she did. I guess if you believed in past lives, she must have done something pretty awful, and this is my punishment.

She sat up, the hell with sleep.  She thought, sighing deeply. She turned on her stereo, her lifeline, and unlike with most teenagers the noise level of her music was not complained about. There was no yell to turn it down, no other noise at all aside from the alcoholic induced laughter that filled the downstairs livingroom.  Her mother and her brother were arguing over whether Paris Hilton’s dog was gay or not, and this was causing them to go into fits of laughter.

”Twits” She muttered, turning up her Linkin Park CD so she couldn’t hear from them anymore. Her music drowned out their fake laughter, their false happiness. Her music was the only real thing to her. It always had been. ‘ I feel the light betray me…’ the song echoed, lyrics to the song paper cut. Lyrics that screamed truth.

”Truer words have never been spoken Chester. The light betrays us all.”   

”You talk to yourself a lot Latoya, were there other ‘people’ in the room with you during these times?”
”I’m not crazy, or schizo – that’s your job.”
”People who have schizophrenia are usually in denial that anything is wrong, or they may not even be aware that the people in which they are talking to are not real.”
”Look, if I was crazy I’m sure I’d know by now.”
”Yes, dear.”
”Don’t call me that, Ever.”
”Or?” she asked, not expecting an answer.
”Or, I’ll break your preppy little neck, kay?” she said, grinning.
”That was a threat.”
”No shit, Sherlock.”
”Please refrain from swearing.”
”Fuck you.”

Eventually Latoya fell into a light sleep , only to be woken by the sounds of her neglected little sister in the room beside her. “ MOOMMMMYY!” she whined, screaming and throwing things at the door for someone’s attention . Latoya groaned, rolling over on her side. God, she was sick of this.

”I’m coming sweetie, hold on..”

”Want Mommy!” was the response which was screeched in response.

Latoya pulled on a new t-shirt, but didn’t bother to change her jeans. It was Monday, but she wouldn’t go to school, though she tried her hardest to and she was a fairly bright kid the house needed cleaned, she needed to take care of her sister and she just didn’t have time. Not like anyone gave a damn anyway. She walked into the toddler’s room, and raised an eyebrow she had managed to throw ever her bed sheets across the room. Talented little bugger.

Walking across the room to the ‘old-school’ crib, which had been used for all five kids, to her sister she got a beanie baby hurled in her direction, and it hit her in the nose.

“Want mommy!” Anika demanded, “No ‘toya!” She had crossed her little arms over her chest. And an expression that was probably meant to be angry, she looked more as if she were suppressing laughter. Maybe it was a joke.

”Hey, Kiddo. Come on…”

”No! Mommy!”

”She won’t come and get you.” She took another step, another toy came hurling in her direction. Latoya put her hands behind her in mock surrender. “Look sweetie. Mommy was…working…last night. And she needs some sleep or she’s going to be cranky. And you know what she’s like when she’s cranky.”

Tear’s welled up in the little girl’s eyes and she sniffed loudly, to show she was truly upset. “okay…” she mumbled, holding her hands out to show she wanted to be picked up.

”Good Girl” she said, walking over still cautious of flying plushies, and picked her up brining her downstairs. “Tirsty.” She said definitely.

”I know hun, ‘tirsty’.”

When they got downstairs, it looked as though a whirlwind had just hit. Beer bottles were scattered across the floor, the furniture had been shoved to the other side of the room, the carpet bunched up under it. Pills, most likely ecstasy, were in full view on the table as well as what looked like lines of cocaine. Wouldn’t this be a picture for children’s services?
Handing Anika her bottle, she tried to gesture the child upstairs, “go back and play in your room for a while, alright sweetie?”

“Why?” The toddler demanded, not very content with being told what to do. Very much her mother’s daughter.

Sighing, Latoya replied as gently as she could, trying to be persuasive, “ I have to clean, and mommy has to sleep.” She gestured her head towards their mother, who was sprawled on the couch snoring loudly, still clutching a bottle of vodka from the night before; blood stained just underneath her nose. “I want to make sure she doesn’t get woken up, okay?” She finally shooed her sister upstairs, with the promise of being able to come play later.

Watching her sister get upstairs and saunter into her room, she sighed gently and turned her attention to the living room, though the disaster area would have been a more accurate name for it.  As she had her whole life, she picked up the pieces of broken glass, put the table back to where it was supposed to be. Taking what drugs were left, and put them safely away into the baggies that had come from and put them in the cupboard above the kitchen sink. Straightening out the carpet as silently as was possible, dusted and pulled out the vacuum. Without regard for her mother, who was still sleeping on the couch, she hit the switch turning on the vacuum and began to clean the remaining particles of drugs and dust that littered the floor.

Jumping at the unexpected noise, Katherine nearly rolled of the couch, “What the fuck?!” she yelled, anger growing in her voice as she started to wake up more, “what in hell’s name do you think your doing, kid?”

“Cleaning.” Latoya answered blankly.

”What are you? Compulsive? I’m trying to fucking sleep.”

”You have a room, you know.”

”It’s not as comfy as the couch. And it’s my house, I’ll do what I want.”

”Obviously so, do you realize that if a cop had come in, he would have seen all your illegal drugs laying around in plain view and you would have been CANNED.”

”No one came in, did they?”

”No –“

”So what’s the problem?”

”The problem is you! You’re careless, and dirty, and an addict! You don’t care about your kids – which includes me. God – If it weren’t for me, you’d be dead!”

”That’s a fucking exaggeration!”

”Who cleans this god for saken house? I do! Who feeds you? Me! Who gets a job during the summer to pay off the debt that you’re baby bonus and welfare doesn’t cover? ME! Who took you to the hospital when you overdosed? I fucking did. And I lied, and I told them you must have had food poisoning. I didn’t even get so much as a thank you! I never do!”

”Bullshit you do all that!”

”Who just cleaned? I did, while you were lounging on the couch drunk out of your mind!”

”Well, fuck it. Your doing it, I don’t have to.”

Latoya turned off the vacuum, the house silenced for a matter of a minute. A minute they spent staring each other down. Quietly, Latoya asked, “do you think I’m going to take care of you forever?”

“Yeah,” Katherine scoffed, I do. You’re problem is you care too much. So, I think you’ll keep doing all the work without any reward. But you’ll keep doing it.”

It was in that second that something inside her snapped, something hit breaking point and she couldn’t have cared less about what would happen to them if she left, “no.”

”No what?” Katherine asked, leaning back against the couch feeling as though the battle was won.

”I’m done with this.”

”…done with what?”

’You. I’m leaving.”

Katherine leaned forward, her elbows on her knees and she shook her head, “ Like fuck you are.”

”Yeah, like fuck I am.”

She dropped the vacuum on the carpet at her feet and went upstairs. Filling a bag with some things she had stashed in her room for such an occasion. Her portable cd player, and the only two cd’s she owned, some clothes and a credit card she had stolen from her mother nearly a year ago which still had nearly a thousand dollars credit still on it. She might as well put it to good use; shrugging her bag over her shoulder she went back downstairs. Staring in awe at the sight before her; her mother, the bitch that she was, had just rolled over and gone back to sleep, as if the entire ordeal had not occurred.

Crying in frustration and anger, Latoya slammed the door as she ran out of the house. She cussed and swore the entire walk to her dad’s house. Which was at least half an hour away. When she finally reached the door she was tired and angry, and had no more tears left to cry. Knocking on the door, she crossed her arms over her chest, half expecting her dad to open the door she opened her mouth to begin ranting about her mother when she saw the person who had turned the knob was a woman wearing a red tight-fitted dress.

”Yeah?” she asked plainly, her light blue eyes fixated on Latoya. She had long, obviously bleached blonde hair that hung over her shoulders. Her breasts were so big she looked as though she should have been falling forward due to gravity. For a moment she thought she had the wrong house, until the woman spoke again and she recognized the voice from the phone last night, “what are you like selling cookies or something, I don’t want any…” she went to shut the door in Latoya’s face, when she finally got her voice back.

”N-no. I need to speak with my dad. I’m Latoya.”

”You’re that kid that phoned last night, aren’t you?”

”Yeah” she smiled a little, glad to be recognized, “If I could just- “

“No.” She stepped outside, shutting the door behind her and crossing her thing arms over her abnormally large chest.

”Excuse me?”

“Look. Carl’s got me and my girl to worry about, he doesn’t need some welfare mistake child coming and taking up his well earned money.”

”I’m not welfare- “

”Look. Kid.” The woman sighed, holding out her hand, a cold-banded ring with a small diamond on it stood out, sparkling in the morning sun. “I’m going to be Mrs. Carl Newman in a few months. He doesn’t need you – we don’t want you.”

Latoya stared in complete and udder awe. So, he did have a steady girlfriend – a fiancée in fact, who didn’t want anything to do with her, “You’re not serious…he wouldn’t say that…” Latoya felt helpless, and she saw her plans of happiness melt away in front of her.

”Yeah.” The woman replied smugly, “He did. We discussed you, last night. After you ruined out evening. We decided we couldn’t have that happening all the time, could we? So get lost, bitch. You’re father doesn’t want you. Go back to your whore mother, and get used to the idea you’ll probably end up just like her!” Laughing she opened the door, entered and slammed the door in Latoya’s face, leaving Latoya to just stand out on their doorstep like an idiot.

Her father didn’t want her.
Her mother didn’t care if she was dead or alive.
She had one friend she wasn’t allowed to see.
She almost got raped and no one seemed to notice.
Her whole life was upside down and she couldn’t do anything about it.
Yes she could – she could run.


She ran, and kept running until she couldn’t breath anymore, she stopped running to catch her breath, collapsing onto her knee’s burying her head in her hands. She just sobbed, there was nothing left for her, nothing left to do, nothing. She had no family, just people she cleaned up after. She had no life, because she had spent her whole life taking care of those who should be taking care of her. She wanted to keep running, running until they couldn’t find her, running so maybe she could find herself.

”So you just…decided…to run away? Just like that?”

”Yeah, Basically.”

”There were no…other reasons?”

”Other than my life was falling apart, and had no meaning? No, no. No other reasons.” Sarcasm dripped off her tone, she rolled her eyes and slouched in her seat.

”Well, it wasn’t that bad.”

Latoya glared at her, “It wasn’t that bad? Have you been LISTENING to what I’ve been saying at all? My mother was an alcoholic, my father would rather have a whore than his own daughter – and it wasn’t – that bad to you?

”It could have been much worse…”

”How?” Latoya asked, digging her fingers into her arms to keep herself from pouncing on the woman and beating her.

”Well…” the woman paused in thought

”well, what?”

”you could have been drinking.”

”That comes later in the story, dimwit.”

”Please refrain from referring to me as that.”

”Can’t help but state the truth.”

”Just continue on with your story.”


So she ran. Just kept running, until once again, she didn’t have enough air left in her lungs to keep her standing. She was at the bus station, she smiled slightly, even subconsciously she knew she wanted out of this hellhole. Sitting herself on a bench, she waited for the ticket line to thin out before she finally stood up, with new air in her lungs she placed a 20 dollar bill on the table of the ticket booth.

”Where can I get to with this much?”

”How far you wanna go, missy?” The guy sitting in the ticket booth was tall, but pudgy. A box of doughnuts was sitting half eaten beside him. He had cool gray eyes, and was wearing a shirt that was to small for him, that looked about to burst at the seams.

”As far as I possibly can.”

”You running away from someone?”

”Why do you ask?”

”The only teen girls I ever see looking to get as fast away from here as possible are runaways, and normal people just goin’ on a trip ain’t usually crying.”

She had barely noticed her face was still shiny with tears, and she quickly wiped them away. Mad at herself for crying, for whatever reason.

”Yeah…just how far can you get me?”

”Can you take care of yourself?” He asked, giving her a sideways glance as he grabbed himself a doughnut from the box.

”What kind of question is that?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest, slightly annoyed.

”Here” he said, placing down a ticket to Toronto, “That’s as far as I can get you on 35 dollars…”

”But I only gave you –“

”Just you promise me, you’ll come back safe and sound?”

”What do you care? You don’t even know my name?”

”Exactly – but I don’t want to hear it on the news, you got me?”

She stared dumbfounded for a second, a total stranger who cared more for her than her mother did. Well, that said something about her life, didn’t it? “Yeah…” she agreed, smiling faintly “I promise. I’ll come right back when I straighten things out, safe and sound.” After the reassurance, he slid the ticket over to her and she accepted it slowly. Part of her couldn’t believe she was doing this. That she was leaving everything she’d ever known.

”I guess in my mind, I thought that I’d find something better.” She leaned back in her chair, running a hand through her bleached white and dyed purple hair. “I thought I’d find someone to take me in, you know?”
”Some new family?”
”Yeah. Something kiddish like that.”
“That’s not ‘kiddish’.”
Rolling her eyes, she scoffed at the woman that sat in front of her – a woman more like a child, “Idiot. What would you know?  You never grew up!”


END of CHAPTER ONE- More to come soon.